Carpool Hell

Dear Bunco Queen,

I have been part of a school carpool for the past year.  My girls are 9 and 6 and we carpool with the family next door, who also has girls the same ages.  At first everything was going great, but for the past couple of months the two neighbor girls have been saying mean things to my kids during the drive and also refusing to sit next to my 6 year old when they get in the car in the morning.  To make it worse, the parents bring their children to the car in the morning and see the refusal to sit next to my daughter AND they don't say anything to their kids! I am afraid to say anything to the kids directly and if I say something to my neighbors I think they will get defensive.  I thought this would pass with a little time. We don't socialize together, but we see each other all the time since they live next door and our kids go to the same school.  I feel trapped. Help!

Rachel

Dear Rachel,

YOU ARE THE ADULT IN THE CAR! Seriously, it's time to say something to the angel girls who live next door.  Anyone can have a bad day and you don't need to be rescuing your kids every time someone makes an insensitive comment, but come on!  This needs to stop.  Next time your neighbor girls get in the car and refuse to sit next to your daughter you need to say something to their mom or dad and them about how that is not nice.  And when you hear the first "not so nice" comment from the girls you need to speak up and say to the whole car that we need to be nice to each other.  Explain how these are the rules of your car and that if someone wants to say something mean they need to just stay quiet.  Too many times parents don't know how their kids act around others.  Unfortunately for you, your neighbors have seen their angels in action and are not putting a stop to it.  The truth is that makes the situation more uncomfortable.  You are responsible for the social climate of the car when you are driving the kids.  It's past time for you to speak up.  Be polite, but firm.  If the angels don't like it they will probably tell mom and dad.  At that time, you can let the parents know what has been going on and that you tried to point it out to the girls.  If they are clueless, they will get mad.  If they have any sense they will help you straighten things out.  Be prepared to break up the carpool if the angels refuse to act appropriately or if their parents become defensive.  It's better to break up the carpool than drive your kids around allowing a toxic drive to school- what a way to start the day.  They deserve better.

Bunco Queen